mind escape

   It's been a month since I moved into a new apartment with my partner, Rion. I'm not used to all the house keeping stuff yet which makes me tired everyday. Also, those things take away my time from me which is very annoying. The good thing to talk about is that those weary things are blown away by Rion's greatest hug and kiss at the end of each days. Now you know why I write this blog in English? Because I can say anything embarrassing in this language. They are all truth, but saying cheesy things in Japanese is not my style. And, actually, there is another reason I write today's blog in English...
   I just miss speaking English. Since I graduated from university, my chance of using this language has become less than 20%. Seriously. For me, English is not only a tool to communicate and understand the world, but also has something to do with mental act. Like, for example, when I'm surrounded by Japanese, I feel comfortable. I think of nothing. I just pass through all the incidents happening around me. Because most of them are not a big deal, and I know that they are harmless. I've been grown up in this atmosphere so that I'm too much used to it. When I was ten, I got out of this country and put into a totally different world called Spain. I couldn't understand a single word other people were saying. I was scared. I had to figure out what people were up to, and build up my act using my own imagination. Now I understand English and a little bit of Spanish, but still I remember the feeling I had when I was a kid. Surrounded by English circumstances is one kind of external stimulations to me now. So when I feel life is boring, or when I feel lame about every routine I have to go through at work, I set my mind in English. I imagine I'm in a different country, so that I can move forward by thinking "Oh, what is it that I have to do right now?! If I don't do this right, I'll be in a big trouble, but if I do this right, I can be confident."
   I have a very good partner who speak very good English at home. He can help me making this environment but he doesn't. He uses English at work so this is none of his business. What I do is that I sometimes escape from the reality by watching movies in English or reading blogs in English or listening to music in English, or like today, write my own blog in English. Sad thing is that they don't last long. All the signs and words and atmosphere soon pull me back to the reality of "Japanese Business Woman Life" (whatever it is).
   Anyhow, this is one of the ways I try to balance my mindset. Too much relax will do no good to you. All you have to do is to make the situation that gives you a good tense to your life.