Mess

It's a mess, in my head. What one feels, what other think, the truth, what it looks like, what it is on back side, etc... I've been trying not to think about it at work, coz I knew it would turn out to be a mess. I feel comfortable when it's covered with a translucent veil.
I go home early, have a relaxing bath, and sleep tight tonight. I feel funny and sick because of this itchy mess.

dress

I was so sleepy today that couldn't get up until 11:00 am. Today was my "picking up the wedding dress" day. My friend from high school recommended me her firm's service and set up the reservation for me. It was from 5:00 pm, so I finished laundry, room cleaning, bathroom cleaning, and bed making by 4:00 pm.

The place was in Aoyama, and I went with my mom. I had no idea how to pick up the dress, nor what kind fits me. Well, details will be shown at the wedding party.

After 2 hours or so, we went to a spanish restaurant. The place and good had real spanish taste. All the staff was Spanish. It was a little expensive, but no biggie coz it was all on my mom. Full full... I need to get back on my diet to gain a perfect shape!!!!

Ideas

It was fun yesterday night. I went out with my young colleagues to end up losing last train in Shibuya. We discussed about so many ideas we have in our mind, which are not exactly shared with seniors. At least once or twice, most of us went to them to present his/her notions to make into a shape, and none passed. Our firm is very protective. We are not saying that we want to break this protection, but we are striving for a change, because we think current condition and settings are sucks. Especially on IT side. So, we shared those ideas tonight and band them together, to actually make them happen to change the situation, to make it better. If this fails, I'll quit. I like this job and I love people, but sticking to this job forever won't raise me for good. It's just started. And I feel excited. 

At the first place, we had dinner with only girls talk. I never went out with young colleagues, so it was quite fresh. Most of us came into this world less than three years ago. We don't know much yet, but we've started to recognize in a big scale. Although, as 80% are girls, we love talking about other silly stuff. Love, life, other colleagues, places we are living in, etc. Fun!

When we were drinking at the second place, Rion and Goji came in to join us. We left the place at 2:30am to go home. Three of us headed to Shinjuku from Shibuya by foot. I had no idea how the city looks like at the middle of the night. It was interesting that there's nobody, not a one, in Harajuku and near Yoyogi. I loved it!! 

It was so much fun. 

Change

Do you really wish to change?
If so, what do you see beyond the change?
Is it what you eager to gain?

I'm afraid I lost the feeling of eagerness.
Passion or enthusiasm is quite different from wishing for something very strong.

New Point of View

It's boring. Everyday life is boring. I find my life so involved into my job. Just a job, not exactly a career. I'm a person who has less concentration, and that is one of my fatal points. Surprisingly, I am so concentrated to what I do at work these days. Although, I make a lot of easy mistakes. But that's not a big deal, coz I'm learning. I'm glowing right now.

So why is it boring? I'm taking things positive, and still I feel bored. I was happy all the time for almost 2 years in row, because of Rion. Now I'm living with him, and I guess I got used to it. I don't find things we do interesting or exciting or fun or... I don't know, fresh.
Because I was in this kind of mood, pictures in tumblr made me fly away to different world. That's it, maybe I just wanted to escape from where I am right now.

I started tumblr yesterday. Technically, I made my account quite long time ago, but I didn't use it. I looked through bunch of beautiful pictures and drawings and photos and people in it, and was moved. I didn't know picture can move human this much. They are all characteristic, and creating their own world. I think it's cool. I wanted to see things differently. I know "getting used to" means forgetting how to see daily happenings from new point of view.

Probably that's one of the reasons why I want to go abroad. Even small things look fresh and new, such as what people eat, what they have at supermarket, or something like that. Let's search for new small excitement that is always surrounding around me! Let's take anything positive and feel fascinating, but not stressful. I might glow up a little bit more if I can make this ritual in my life :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

I was running out of energy today. I didn't have enough meal until dinner time, so was a little irritated at the end of my work. This is not good. So I winded up early, and left office at 7:00pm to have meat dinner with Rion and Goji.

Here you go, happy valentine's day! Why chocolate? Shape doesn't matter. We wanted to have meat, so we went for Yakiniku. It's much better than a piece of chocolate don't you think?
I'm full now. Tomorrow is my day off. My plan is to sleep like a dead. Give me a break please!

Perfect

Most of the time, since I've started this job, people don't ask for a "perfect" result. They only want "enough" or "adequate" outcome. I have realized that this is not only me, it happens all the time in any kind of job. It's because our time is limited on accomplishing a work. There is a client who pays for the work, and we do it for the client. So if he or she wants it by today, we have to finish it by today. It's a good thing though. If you don't have enough time, you have to think what's the most important point, and plan your act to apply limited time efficiently. (This is what I'm not good at...)
My senior is not always simple like that. Even the office hour is over, he stays in front of his desk until the last train to make his work close to his ideal shape. This is very respectful. He has something particular on what he is doing. The point is, it's not something other senior ask him to do. They only want "adequate" result which is enough not to ruin the office. He is doing what he think he should do, or once he sees it, he can't just leave as it is but make it into more in perfect shape.
I think this is similar to house work. Once you see a dust on the floor, maybe you can't just leave it there. Maybe you would clean up even you have an appointment with your friend and have to leave the room immediately. It's part of a character.
I used to be like this, when time was unlimited in University. I could go for so farther than what I thought it to be adequate. But all my work was never be perfect. I was never satisfied. And it's always like that. Idea comes up so easily, and it seems exciting to achieve it at the beginning. But once you start, you lose the way.

Anyway, so, I say nobody is perfect, and that's true. No one is looking for perfect. There's nothing absolute, and perfect situation is just surrounding in people's head which never comes out in a right shape. But we can at least try to make things perfect. Without it, life becomes boring. Self-improvement is somehow significant on happy life. That's what I thought when I was on the train on my way back home.
... but I don't want to over work, which is also true in my mind.